This isn’t another post on how terrible sheltering in place has been. Nor is it about consoling moms whose heads are spinning as they claw at their back door attempting to run away from your children and spouse for a moment of solace and serenity. It’s about the little sweet intentional moments that have come to be despite what is happening outside of our home. If you’ve read my post Why My Husband and I are Thinking About Throwing Away Our Storybook Life, you know that we have been questioning the way we’ve been doing life. This ongoing conversation has sparked so many other changes for our family. Our intentionality towards the time we invest in our marriage was a rather hot topic for us, too.
Being the ferocious mama bear that I am, having a consistent date night in the rotation has been a struggle. Be it finding trustworthy childcare, an over-scheduled family calendar, or sheer laziness—we have not prioritized fun and connection very well. Week three of quarantine, I was standing in the kitchen, washing my 78th batch of dishes for the day (because apparently I’m the only human in our house that knows how to use our sink, dish towel, and dishwasher…not bitter just sayin’) when I asked my husband, “What do we both like to do? Do you like to cook?” I have known this man since I was 11 years old, and I was shocked when he gave me a resounding– YES! I knew he liked to make up his own recipes for grilling but never really thought about him having a general affinity for culinary arts. He then suggested we could cook a meal together one day a week after the kids were in bed and have a standing late-night dinner date. He had me at ‘we’. I’m a sucker for connection, so any opportunity that he suggests, I’m in. We picked a day of the week that would work for us consistently, in or out of quarantine, and we made it A DATE!
We ended up morphing it into something a bit different than cooking a meal every date night though. Because if your family is anything like ours, mama is already cooking meals 8 times a day. Sigh. So we don’t cook a meal from scratch each time, but there is always yummy food. He takes a week, and I take the next, planning what we’ll do on our date night. It’s been so much fun anticipating a stress-free, intimate night with my hunny week after week! This is something that’s for keeps as far as we’re concerned.
Here are some of the dates we’ve had so far that have been AMAZING! Hope this helps get all your sweet and spicy juices flowing!
- Pho To Go + Old School Movie Night
I won’t go as far as calling ourselves foodies, but we LOVE trying new foods and restaurants. If you haven’t experienced pho (pronounced fuh for my fully country mamas), what are you waiting for?! It’s like cooking together on an episode of Top Chef—all your ingredients are laid out for you, you just have to prepare it and there’s no pressure of being judged and it is going to be delicious (assuming you like Asian flavors). You get broth, pho veggies, noodles, and the meat of your choice that comes raw when you get it to go. You cook the meat to your liking in the broth and then pour your broth, meat and veggies over your heaping pile of noodles for one of the most flavorful dishes ever! We each put our meals on trays and ate in our bedroom on the floor and watch the 90s movie, Strictly Business. We laughed and talked throughout the whole thing and it was such a fun night of trying something new, yummy food, and plenty of laughter.
- Dinner + Games
So you will certainly see a theme of dinner, because we gotta eat, so we may as well make it a special treat for us once a week. Try a new restaurant and order in. We ate on our patio and played the card game Do You Know Me? while we ate. It was so fun because lots of the questions are silly but allow you to learn ne things about each other. (Tip: skip any questions that may cause an argument. Keep it light and loving.) You can also play a card game or even better let your spouse teach you how to play one. Mine tried to teach me Texas Hold ‘Em, bless his heart and mine. He is a great teacher, but let’s just say, I won’t be first at the poker table when the casinos open back up.
- Meal + Massage
This is not the night to cash in on that Cheesecake Factory gift card you found at the bottom of your purse from Valentine’s Day. Go light on your meal and then grab you some good ‘ole coconut oil or shea butter (whatever you have on hand) and take turns giving each other a massage. Set the atmosphere. Make a play list of your favorite songs that bring back good memories (think 1st song you danced to, wedding song, etc.). Light a few candles. And then what you do with the rest of your evening is your business!
- Bonus Idea: Learn Something New Together
I recently bought the Masterclass subscription where experts in many different arenas create a course to teach you what they know. There were several that intrigued us like the art of negotiation, gardening, and smoking a brisket to perfection to name a few. I don’t know exactly why but learning something together builds such comradery and connection. It instantly gives you something outside of the day to day household business to connect on. You have inside jokes and something to talk about on going. No need to purchase any subscriptions though! There are so many courses offered online for free that you can take. A great place to start is finding that hobby you both have in common or just pick a new one you are both willing to explore and find a course on that. The sky is the limit here! You could even do a course on how to give a massage and then be each other’s homework assignments (giggle giggle).
The point is, find what you can enjoy together and DO THAT THING REGULARLY! Try to keep it simple and don’t over plan. As wives, we especially can get overtaken by all our other roles that being a fun friend and a soft and refreshing place to land for your husband gets put way at the bottom of your priority’s list (if it’s even on the list at all). One of the best gifts that we can give to our children is a stable, connected marriage. I always think of the flight attendants telling you: “In the event of a change in cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from the overhead compartment. If you are travelling with a child, please secure your mask first and then secure the child’s oxygen mask”. Like my grandpa always says, “THAT’LL PREACH!” Meaning, there’s something so much deeper that we can learn from those simple instructions—take care of you (and your marriage) or you’ll be just a tiny piece of the greatness that is YOU to your children and others. So here’s to putting the oxygen mask on your marriage and giving it a big dose of life-giving air. A little fresh air is always good for the soul.
Share your ideas for low maintenance date nights in the comments below! Can’t wait to hear what you’ve been up to!
Love that your ideas are so practical!!! Thank you for sharing! I saw a Facebook post where someone set up a beautiful picnic in the bed of their truck!! They had blankets, pillows, candles and a fruit/meat tray and drinks! I could totally envision doing this under the stars or setting it up in the driveway while watching a movie on the garage doors! Just thought I’d share. Love your post!
Great ideas! Thank for sharing. We have enjoyed learning together, watching movies and eating in bed! Date nights have looked a whole lot different during quarantine, but the connection is getting stronger!